That was then, this is now.

My 10-year high school reunion has me thinking about how much our lives have changed. Popular culture has shifted a great deal, arguably moreso than the time between 1988 and 1998.
In 1998:

• No one knew who Britney Spears or Paris Hilton were.
• The Parent Trap delighted audiences. Lead actress Lindsay Lohan's future looked bright.
• Titanic was still raking in cash.
• DVD playback was cutting-edge technology.
• Programming your VCR was the primary way to record a show.
• Cell phones were increasing in popularity.
• Text messaging was practically unheard of. Picture and video messaging seemed laughable.
• No one knew what a "megapixel" was.
• People were anticipating new Star Wars movies.
• Mel Gibson had a positive public image.
• So did Michael Richards.
• Gay marriage and civil unions weren't legal anywhere.
• MySpace was five years away. Facebook was six. Friendster was four.
• eBay was a novelty online service.
• The rest of the world didn't passionately hate the USA.
• Lying about oral sex was considered an impeachable offense.
• Let's be clear: lying about oral sex, not lying about a war, was and is impeachable. Really.
• Gas was barely over $1. Almost sounds like a fairy tale doesn't it?
• Blade was noteworthy as a comic book film that didn't suck.

In 2008:

• Reality television has taken over the airwaves.
• Sitcoms are virtually non-existent.
• You can't enjoy a 1.50 movie without some dumbfuck answering his phone during the film.
• Celebrity gossip qualifies as news.
• Mainstream rap music is utter crap.
• DVR records shows for you. Parents still need their children to program it.
• Gays can get married in two states and civilly united* in four.
• Picture messaging means you can send pics of your junk all over the world in seconds.
• Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are known for their dysfunctionality more than their film/music "talent".
• People know who Paris Hilton is. Nobody cares though.
• Batman: The Dark Knight is noteworthy as the best comic book film ever. Films based on comic books, once a rarity, litter the summer movie season.

*I like the term "civilly united". Makes the couple sound like Transformers.

Hypothetical Scenario

(I should inform other gamers that this entry contains major spoilers for the Playstation 3 game, Metal Gear Solid 4.)

Let's say you're an exceptional computer hacker. You're playing a supporting role in a covert operation to prevent a megalomaniacal Russian man from achieving world domination. Stick with me here. During the course of your operation you cross paths with a beautiful young doctor who seems very nonchalant about the amount of cleavage she shows off while discussing complex medical data. She joins up with your team, bringing aboard critical information about that crazy Russian's intentions. Before long you two discover a mutual attraction and after an agonizing six hours you express that attraction sexually on the cold floor of a helicopter. Surely this is a romance for the ages.

Well maybe not. The next day she royally screws you and your team over. She defects back to the crazy Russian and his renegades, taking data stolen from you. This happens at the worst possible moment as your partner in covert ops very nearly dies and her psychotic master slaughters dozens of army personnel to demonstrate his power. After your partner inexplicably survives the massacre and returns to base, you make your next move, hoping to prevent the now-imminent rise of a world dictatorship. It's at this new location you, the expert hacker, see the treacherous doctor again and not only is she still in cahoots with the whacked out Russian, she has a new man. Your team members fight her new, buff boyfriend and kill him.

In one last act of drama-queen attention-whoring, the doctor commits suicide with a deadly injection. She looks longingly in your eyes as she slowly dies. Now as some poor loser manipulated and used by her intelligence and beauty, what do you do? If you said kick her in your ribs, you're wrong. You bawl your fucking eyes out like a punk. After all you feel an intense connection with this woman whom you met and shared some awkward and painful dialogue with a few days ago before bumping uglies. The fact she nearly killed your partner and put your whole operation at risk is irrelevant.

This scenario plays out in Metal Gear Solid 4 in one of the most painfully bad cinema scenes ever coded. Before I continue bitching about a major game release like last time, let me just say the game is absolutely fantastic. The sneaking portions are exhilarating and fun with plenty of ways to avoid detection. The action sequences are wild, ambitious, and exciting. The boss battles live up to the series' usual high standards. On top of that, the game manages to wrap up the series' complex storyline, leaving few, if any, mysteries unsolved. Some have suggested that a grandiose release like this make a strong argument for video games as an art form. Ummm no. I mean, I'll agree you can argue Metal Gear Solid 4 is art as long as "art" is preceded by "not very good".

The dialogue in the game is an exercise in torture. It makes waterboarding seem pleasant. It makes Michael Bay look like Michael Gondry. It's overwrought, forced, and cliche. The camera tricks in the cinema scenes use tired techniques overused in Japanese anime as well as American films. Zoomed out shots while someone cries over a dead body. Slow motion while the hero escapes a collapsing building. An outstretched hand and ham-handed last words as someone breathes their last breath.

Here's the offending cinema scene. The computer hacker in question is Otacon while the beautiful young doctor is Naomi Hunter. It's worth noting that Naomi later redeems herself on many levels (leading to another ridiculous bout of crying from Otacon) but at this point she's a traitor to the player and all the good guys.



The most annoying part of this whole scene is there is no reason for Otacon to be as emotionally involved as he is. And his voice actor is pretty horrible. Ugh.

Ultimately, Metal Gear Solid 4 falls short of being an asset in the "games as art" discussion. It should take a look ICO, Shadow of the Colossus, Bioshock, and maybe even The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker as good ways to make emotionally resonant games without beating the viewer over the head with lengthy cutscenes and melodrama.

Progress

Sessions with Vic (my personal trainer) have been going well. We've developed a rapport that works well enough: he makes me do painful, demanding stretches and exercises while I curse him in my head. Especially when we're using the squat bar. I hate the #$%^ing squat bar. As far as I'm concerned the inventor of the squat bar can take it and place it in regions of his/her body I'd rather not think about.


As much as I revel in the torture I endure 3-4 times a week, it'd be pointless if there hasn't been any change. Sure friends and family had noticed a difference, but I prefer measurable benchmarks and statistics. That way I can compare measurements over time and adjust accordingly. When I began back in March, the statistics were as follows:


Body-fat percentage: 21.1%
Weight: 193 lbs


Not bad. To get the body-fat percentage, Vic had me hold some device that resembles an Xbox controller. I find it baffling that holding something in your hands can tell you anything meaningful about your body, but whatever. Fast-forward to a few days ago. Vic uses calipers this time for accuracy. His first measurement for body fat: 14.6%. That'd be exciting if it weren't so absurdly preposterous. At that level my body type is classified as "athletic", and looking in the mirror this morning, that description DOES NOT fit. He remeasured and came up with 15.3%. Meanwhile the controller thingy (its technical name) says 21.1% again while the gym scale says 186.6 pounds. My scale at home has consistently said 184-187 lbs for the last few months. So to recap:


March
BF% (device): 21.1%
Weight (gym): 193 lbs
Weight (home): 185 lbs


Today
BF% (calipers): 14.6-15.3%
BF% (device): 21.1%
Weight (gym): 186.6 lbs
Weight (home): 185 lbs


Results: Inconclusive. The calipers have a 2-3% margin of error and Vic says he's seen the device be off by as much as 12% (WTF?). Obviously gains have been made. Another measurement in a month or two will be more helpful.