Top of the game

I'm going to throw down the gauntlet and say that Super Mario Galaxy is the best Mario game ever and therefore one of the best games of all time. Nintendo has proved beyond a doubt that they still can't be matched.

There is a joyous, fun vibe throughout the entire experience. The stirring music for selecting a star. The slight pause and subsequent burst of energy before Mario flies toward a new planet. The visual splendor that accompanies this journey. The addictive way I try to collect every Star Bit. None of this ever gets old.

Comparing this game to Super Mario Sunshine illuminates the many shortcomings of Mario's previous adventure. Collection isn't such a burdensome chore this time around. Don't get me wrong, you'll be doing plenty of collecting, but it's much more effortless this time around (at least until the purple coin challenges late in the game). The soundtrack soars above of anything from the Big N in the last ten years, including any recent Zelda title. Whereas Sunshine's cinematics featured bland sequences and painfully bad voice-acting, Galaxy boasts impressive action and mercifully opts for text dialogue.

Early in the game each level throws a new idea your way. It might be a new power-up, a new way of interacting with the world, or just a cleverly-designed puzzle. This continues well into the later stages. You can complete the main quest without much difficulty, but those that stick around and earn every star in the game will find some fun challenges. I dare anyone to play the Rolling Gizmo, Sweet Sweet, and Sling Pod Galaxies and say the game is too easy.



Is it perfect? No. The camera can be a nuisance at times. A few of the levels (out of 120) cross the line from fun and engaging to tedious and boring. Like all Mario games, the story is largely forgettable and a distraction at best. The squeaky way Mario exclaims "Super Mario Galaxyyyyy!!!" when you load it up on Wii makes my ears bleed. But none of these issues overwhelms the entire experience.

Some people will correctly point out that Super Mario Galaxy isn't revolutionary like Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Bros. I can't argue with that, but Galaxy builds on the strengths of those and other Mario games. Being the first to do something or even the first to do something well does not automatically result in a superior product. Others might claim that nothing could ever surpass those two games or Super Mario Bros. 3 or Super Mario World. No offense, but shut the hell up. Throwing down absolutes like that only shuts down discussion before it can begin. We might as well not even put it up for discussion.

Like the games in the previous paragraph, Galaxy remains engrossing throughout the entire adventure. Like those games, it squeezes a lot of mileage out relatively simple controls. Unlike Mario 3 and World, Galaxy has the finest visuals and audio of any game available on its system at the time of its release. Most importantly, Mario's latest adventure lasts much longer and gives you a lot more variety than his previous outings. Over 20 hours players will balance on globes, skate on ice, float through space via slingshots and tractor beam-like orbs, surf on the back of stingrays, ride giant flowers on the wind, navigate passages with shifting gravitational forces, float over dangerous waters in a bubble, and conquer the series' most impressive lineup of bosses yet. Ten years from now I expect Galaxy will have stood the test of the time very well.

Dried up.

Argh! Cold, dry air is wreaking havoc on my skin. I looked in the mirror at work last week and discovered a patch of inexplicably dry, flaky skin on my face. Rash? Eczema? Zombie infection? I don't know, but the next day I scoured the shelves of the store for some relief, eventually picking up a humidifier. The humidifier works pretty well, except it can't go with me to the office. Actually, it probably could, but it hums pretty loud and I don't want to be one of those people. You know, the cubicle resident whose weird habits and loud phone calls (complete with graphic details of their last doctor visit) drive the others nuts.

And then my face broke out. In five days I went from the gorgeous man-child I've always been (see picture) to a dried-up, pimply facsimile (picture not available). So I went to the dermatologist, seeking respite from this epidermical epidemic. The doctor took samples, gazed through his microscope (side note: dude has a microscope at his office, that's kinda cool), and came back with a seven-point attack plan. Seriously, the guy was on top of his stuff. I have to change laundry detergent and moisturizer, stop taking some prescription pills, take some other, different prescription pills, smear on some prescription cream, bathe less (yeah I'm skipping that one), and shower with warm, not hot, water. He seems confident that it'll work, and given the results I saw with him before, I trust him.

I just wish he knew what to do about my cravings for human brains.

Newts have 20/20 hindsight

I didn't do much too celebrate Halloween. I had dinner over a friend of a friend's house, but otherwise nothing of note. If it weren't for that, I would've probably done nothing.

Halloween was never a big holiday for me growing up. In fact, it was bquite the opposite. My home church objected to the occult theme revolving around the holiday and encouraged members not to participate. Instead they held a "Hallelujah Night", where kids were encouraged the dress as Bible characters. I'm not making this up. One year I won first place after I dressed up and told the entire history behind King David. As you can imagine, it was a sad time in my life. And the candy sucked too.

So I never got very wrapped up in the holiday. No horror movies, no dressing up, and not much fun at all. A friend was shocked to learn I've never carved a pumpkin, like that was a travesty. He later heard a black woman comment "Black people don't carve pumpkins". I strongly resent broad generalizations, especially when they apply to me*, but in this case I tend to agree.

I never dressed up either outside of the aforementioned biblical activities. The reasons there are quite different. For one thing, dressing up takes work if you want to do it well. You have to track down the clothes, materials, and any wigs necessary. Some amateur makeup and crafting might be necessary too. Too much work for not that big of a payoff.

There's also the social nature of Halloween activities. I tend to be a loner, and while I probably could latch myself onto a group, it's just extra work on top of costume building. Staying in with various kinds of liquor is much more attractive.

The biggest factor is the lack of interesting black characters to emulate in pop culture. In terms of being recognizable by the average slack-jawed mouth-breather, there are few choices out there. And I could adopt other characters with different racial ancestry, but I'd have to endure countless "But you're black" comments. Never mind that I might be able to emulate a character's personality or style. Or that, unlike many of the people that dress up as them, Jedis in the movies can see their feet without a mirror. I'd just rather not deal with the annoyance.

So if I were to dress up as any character, regardless of race, who would I go for? Hmmm, that requires a bit more thought than I like to devote to these entries, but here goes:



Jules Winfield: Oh, come on, you had to see this one coming. His name is the title of the blog, ferchrissakes. And who better epitomizes the definition of badass than Samuel Jackson, the actor who, with the direction of Quentin Tarantino, gave us the most hilarious assassination scene in the history of cinema? Combine the iconic role with the Chappelle show reference potential and its value becomes obvious.



Body Suit Man: Might as well get the obligatory Seinfeld reference out of the way. Body Suit Man would turn more than a few heads before folks realized that I wasn't that ballsy. Public decency standards fly right out the window on Halloween anyway. Similarly I could imitate these folks on Futurama, although I fear I've been outdone on that front.



Dante from Devil May Cry: The two-gun-wielding, large-sword-swinging, cheesy-dialogue-spouting Dante redefined kicking-ass for the post-Sephiroth video game scene ( he also exhausted my hyphen key). His distinct clothing and snow-white hair gives him a style all of his own. He eviscerates murderous puppets in seconds, survives a stab through the chest without batting an eye, and rains demonic lightning down on his enemies. What's not to love?



Chun-Li: Miss Thunder Thighs herself offers a great opportunity. Instantly recognizable, strong yet feminine, and a lot of fun. And if I'm gonna cross racial lines, why not bowl over gender boundaries while I'm at it? The World's Strongest Woman's stockings would also conceal my flawed extremities without taking away all the fun. You can file this one under "things I will never attempt".

*This is the only time I resent broad generalizations.