Miami.

Having never taken a Spring Break trip, I decided my (hopefully) final year of college was as good a time as any. I wanted to go somewhere warm and non-shitty, so Miami was an easy-choice. So after making the twelve-hour drive (!), I arrived at my cheap hotel with paper-thin walls. Located on Miami Beach, the shoddy accommodations didn't deter me from having a good time and I slowly got used to vinegar/moth ball/old people smell of the room.

Venturing out to Miami Beach's premiere mall, this naive, lifelong North Carolinian introduced himself to the concept of super-overpriced goods. $300 for a shirt? Yes please. Most assuredly such garments will allow me to procure the finest piece of ass the city has to offer. I am kidding of course. My tastes downgraded to shops on the level of the average college student. I think cheapness may be the culprit. Or maybe common sense.

The beaches also proved a welcome diversion, as other vacationing college students meant that my flabby torso wasn't an aberration. You see, Miami's warm climate and many beaches meant that its locals maintain the sort of sculpted bodies that make your pants happy, but your ego sad. But given the similarly chubby company, I could stroll about uninhibited.

I also sampled Miami's famous nightlife, which proved itself worthy of its acclaim. Probably my favorite location was the Buck15 Lounge. The mixed crowd of straight and gay people were more interesting in having a good time than looking cool. However, I feared I wondered into the Twilight Zone when the DJ started playing AC/DC and the crowd started cheering. The black-and-white, grainy film dissipated ten minutes later when a Madonna song sent a swarm of queers to the dance floor. Whew.

Of course, a trip to a major metropolitan area wouldn't be complete without a recount of weird, freaky shit:

1. A Hispanic guy dancing in a sleeveless black blouse, pink mini-skirt, and white, high-heel boots outside of a bar on the sidewalk. Alone.
2. The fella in the convenience store so high off of drugs his boyfriend had to hold him to keep him standing up.
3. This one was just odd. I'm driving behind a Hummer on a one-way street and someone comes down the street going the wrong way. The Hummer swerves toward the car as it turns off the road and the driver leans out the window and shakes his fist at the other driver.
4. This creepy, husky-voiced guy who sounded like a serial killer.
5. The nearby town of Ft Lauderdale. Its clubs can be summed up with three words: old people dancing. I walked in the room and I was one of maybe five people under 40.
6. A guy at the aforementioned club in a tanktop and the hairiest exposed back ever.
7. This one beanpole male exotic dancer who was way too eager to show off his disproportionately large manhood.

Overall, Miami's a great destination for a vacation, if you don't mind having to pay for parking everywhere. Although I would recommend flying there.

Dork-esque musings

So a new trailer for The Simpsons movie is available. As big of a fan as I am of the series, I can't seem to work up any enthusiasm for the film. For one thing, I quit following the series years ago when the episodes quit being funny. The new movie trailer doesn't do much to change my mind. Most of the jokes in the trailer have been done to death on the show anyway. Springfield is in some imaginary state, Mr. Burns being cruel and ruthless, etc. Even Bart's defection to the Flanders family is similar to an episode that aired ten years ago. An underlying problem that keeps me from watching the weekly episodes now is the switch over to digital animation. Now it just feels different. The outlines and colors are too bold. It feels like the show is "The New Simpsons" and it's kinda... off. Reportedly the series has bounced back from its slump, but my interest is just gone.

I've been playing Sonic and the Secret Rings, which is fun enough, if occasionally frustrating. One of the biggest annoyances with the 3D Sonic games, even the kinda-sorta good ones, is the ever-present theme songs for the games. They're all terrible. Take cheesy butt rock and then try to adapt the lyrics to describe a video game. Not working too well is it? Most long-running series usually work remixes of classic tunes into the soundtrack of newer games. Sometimes this can be overdone (*cough*Mario*cough*), but done well, it conjures up a welcome bit of nostalgia for fans. To my knowledge not one recent Sonic game has done this. The only recent Sonic game to offer a remixed track was Sonic Adventure and its source material was, for some reason, Sonic 3D Blast. Once known for its atmospheric and catchy tunes, the Sonic series has definitely taken a turn for the worse.

By the way, unbeknownst to me, I have to moderate comments now. For months I thought everyone was ignoring my blog and I just hadn't confirmed their comments. Thanks for keeping up!